Burdened with a Load of Care

You know that line from some hymn, "Are you ever burdened with a load of care?" That's how I've been feeling lately. I care about a lot of things and a lot of people. Which is great, but sometimes it'd hurt a lot less if I didn't care quite so much.

But I do care. It's been a pretty tough summer, I'm not gonna lie. But I'm excited to go back to school. The change will be nice. As much as I love school, it's also been a source of stress. The class that I TA got moved last minute to different days, which means that I have to try to reschedule my violin students, which gives the potential of them dropping. Which wouldn't be a big deal, but I've only been able to save enough for my rent this year. I have a full tuition scholarship, but I still have to pay for food, gas, books, and my violin. Basically, I have to teach and TA and play in the symphony and keep a 4.0 while taking upper-level classes. This semester I need to take Survey of Accounting, Visual Media, Editing, British Lit., and Church History. All are 3 credit classes, except for Church History. I really need to take Editing this semester, but it's already full. So my other option is to take another Lit class. But two 3 credit Lit classes means a HUGE time commitment for all the reading and writing. I don't know if I can do that while taking Accounting (which is totally foreign to me) and Visual Media (also totally foreign).

Sigh. It really wouldn't be that big of a deal if I didn't care about my grades or taking out a loan. But I really, really, really care about it.

So essentially, I'm freaking out about school and money while dealing with a lot of emotional stress on top of it.

But I'm ok. I've spent a lot of time reading the Book of Mormon. It amazes me how much peace it brings. And I keep reminding myself of the talk in General Conference about climbing a mountain and stopping to look how far I've come. I've come really far. I can't forget that.

Things I've Done:

• Finished two years of college completely debt-free
• Finished two years of college with a 4.0
• Had so much fun it should be illegal
• Bought my own car, without a loan
• Found work that I enjoy when I needed it
• Found a violin that suits me perfectly
• Paid for over half of my violin with cash
• Read many great books
• Made many great friends
• Had opportunities to serve my family
• Became a better musician
• Accomplished my goal of playing with the symphony
• Built trusting relationships with my students

I can't let myself forget that. I have to trust myself. I'm smart. I can do great things. I have to trust the Lord. He's helped me do everything I've done. It'll be ok.