A Step Forward and a Look Back

It's almost New Year's Eve which means a few things. 1) I'll be going back to school in a matter of days, 2) it's cold (That really isn't significant. I just feel like whining about it.), 3) it's time to reflect on the past year, 4) I'm evaluating my self-esteem and whether it can take the trauma of a New Year's Eve singles dance (I hate dancing, but I love boys. It's a dilemma.), and 5)it's time to ponder Resolutions.

Last year, if you remember, my resolution was to remember to say "I love you". Looking back, I think I accomplished it, more or less. I'm not an overly affectionate person. I really care about people, but I don't always verbalize it or give hugs etc. But I think over the year, it got easier to express affection to my family and people around me.

To slightly change topics, I feel like the past year has aged me more than any other. I feel years older than I am. Maybe it's just a sign of immaturity to not recognize my own immaturity, but I really feel so much older than other kids my age. This year has been character-building to put it simply.

I'm excited to see what 2012 will bring me. One of my biggest goals is to graduate with my Bachelors when I'm 21, debt-free. So far, I'm on track to do that. My classes in the next two semesters will definitely make me stretch and try new things. And in the fall, if everything goes according to plan, I'll do an internship. The thought is both exhilarating and terrifying. I'm getting to the point in my education where I can't just change my mind about what major I am or what career path I want. I think the question of 2012 (and the rest of my life) will be, "Am I where I'm meant to be, doing what I'm meant to do?"

Music has been a huge influence on the past year. I've played Beethoven's 5th, Tchaikovsky's 1st and 4th and Nutcracker, Dvorak's 5th, among others. Personally, I've made huge improvements on my intonation and rushing problems, as well as fulfilling dreams to learn Vivaldi's Four Seasons and a Mozart concerto. Not to mention that for the past five months I've been a "professional musician". All my income has been related to my ability to make music, in one way or another. However, next semester, I can't afford the time, money, or credits to play in the university symphony or take private lessons. My heart is broken. I have so much I want to learn. But I can't get discouraged and stop practicing because that would be stupid.

My scripture study and prayer habits improved over the last year too. I read the Book of Mormon again, and this time especially I noticed the influence and power it has in my life. Also, for perhaps the first time in my life, I've had consistent morning prayers. Holy smokes! Why haven't I been praying every morning my whole life? Besides that, I've also felt the missionary spirit. Maybe it's all the letters I write, or maybe it's my own increased testimony, but I have started to conquer my fear of talking to people about the gospel. Which is kind of a big deal. I've started giving more thought to serving a mission. I have no idea if I will; I've got to evade marriage for two years at BYU-I, which may or may not happen. But the thought of a mission doesn't scare me like it used to.

I feel good about my intellectual growth this year. I think I'm a smarter person than I was last year. My schooling is obviously important to me, but I've kept my brain active even while I'm not in school. I have a desire to learn about everything. Brother Huff, the professor I work for, inspired me to be a life-long learner. He's one of the smartest, most well-rounded people I know. I want to be like him, so I took his advice to always be reading a good book. You can see by my list on the sidebar that I did fairly well. Number of Classics: 8. Adult Fiction: 2. Young Adult Fiction: 8. Non-Fiction: 5. Poetry: 1. So Serious Books beat Fun Books by one. Not bad for only 22 weeks.

So this leaves me in the place to make my New Year's Resolution. I only make one, because I can't handle more than one and I hate failing goals. I'm not sure what category my Resolution will be in. I could make a good goal in any area of my life. I have a multitude of weaknesses that need resolution. I'll ponder a few more days and let you know.