Homeschooling Nostalgia

I know. Blog overdose. But without friends around, this is where I sort out my thoughts. And it's kind of my journal. And I think better in writing anyway.

Homeschooling is a huge part of my identity. I was homeschooled basically from birth if you want to count all the books my mom read to me as an infant. I can't count the number of times I've said, "We're homeschoolers." Homeschooling has an identity and a community.

Which is why I'm so troubled that all three of my brothers are going to public school this year. My tiny baby brother who can't possibly be old enough is getting on a bus tomorrow for kindergarten. My middle brother is going to a middle school. My tall brother is going to a high school.

Wait, what? No way. But it's true.

My mom is so close to finishing her degree, and that's what she needs to be doing right now. She can't physically homeschool and be a full time student at the same time.

Now, I'm sure my brothers will be fine. Millions of children survive the public school system every year. (Note: I really hate the word 'system'. Education should never be a system. I wrote a paper on this.) But I really miss the excitement of new books and personal and family learning. I miss doing copywork, nature study, art appreciation, narration, history, and math and science. I miss hearing Mom read to us. Even though I'm "graduated" from homeschool, I still miss the lifestyle.

It's so weird to suddenly have a large piece of identity gone. It's kind of like waking up to find my right elbow missing. I'm still at the stage in my life where I'm discovering who I am. Not quite to the extent of a protagonist-of-a-teen-coming-of-age-novel, but still. Like music, homeschooling has been another defining factor in my character. It's not a huge deal since I'm not actually the one going to public school, but it's still freaking me out a little.

My inner voice is saying, Waaaaiiit! You can't go to public schoooool. That's not coooool. We're homeschoolers. We're homeschoolers. We're homeschoolers.

(My inner voice is occasionally whiny. My apologies.)

Sigh. It's ok. They'll be fine. It's not a big deal. I can still beat people at I Never by saying I've never been to public school. It's not a crisis. But I still don't like it.